My mind and heart have been at odds for some time now, but I’ve been too afraid to let go so I’ve let my mind do the work and overrule my heart.
My mind is full of the fear of disappointing others and myself, the fear of letting go of something I love, the fear of the unknown, the fear of who I will be without it. My mind is full of what I “should” be doing and how well I “should” be doing it.
My heart is longing for more inner space.
It’s what most women I know with children struggle with—trying to do it all, but feeling like they are never doing anything well-the squeeze.
My life, regardless of whether I own a yoga studio or not, is just like every other mom’s out there wishing for harmony with every aspect of her life-work, family, marriage, community, and herself.
Today on a hotel floor practicing yoga, I surrendered to my heart’s voice that I’ve been ignoring and finally listened when it said, “you can’t do it all.”
And as I surrendered into my tears, I knew I had to give something up and I knew what it was . . . teaching yoga.
One class on the schedule, subbing here and there, leading workshops and retreats may not seem like that much teaching, but the truth is that I think about classes, my students and teaching for days, sometimes weeks before.
The Beverly Yoga Center is 9-years-old in February and I am dedicated to my teachers and students to create a place they walk into and feel at ease. To make that happen for a small business takes a tremendous amount of work behind the scenes . . . ask my family.
And so as uncomfortable as I am with letting go of teaching for this moment, I wholeheartedly trust that listening to my heart and giving myself some extra space will lead me to some new discovery.